What Are Internal Conflicts and Why We Experience Them?
Every day, we find ourselves in situations where we must make choices that require us to manage our internal conflicts. From deciding whether to stay late at work to meet a deadline or to go home and spend time with family to choosing between saving money for the future or enjoying a spontaneous purchase, these conflicts are a natural part of our lives.
Just like we need conflict resolution skills to resolve conflicts with/for others, we need self-negotiation skills to resolve our own conflicts that might block our path to greater fulfillment and success.
Internal conflicts often involve competing desires, values, priorities, and external pressures. Owing to the complex interplay between our evolving roles, responsibilities, values, and life experiences, they become more significant as we age.
Here are a few daily internal conflict examples:
- Deciding whether to stick to a diet or indulge in a favorite treat.
- Choosing between a high-paying job that is unfulfilling and a lower-paying job that aligns with personal passions.
- Balancing the desire to spend time with friends versus needing alone time to recharge.
- Struggling to balance work and family as we can’t quit working and don’t want to miss out on our kids’ growing years.
Why We Face Such Conflicts?
#1. Competing Desires: We often struggle with choosing between something we want right now and something that will benefit us in the future. For example, worries about saving for retirement, managing today’s debts, watching TV, or working on a project due soon cause internal conflicts. This battle between immediate satisfaction and long-term goals threatens our comfort zones.
#2. Evolving Values and Beliefs: Our personal values may sometimes clash with societal norms or expectations, creating a conflict. What mattered to us in our twenties may be less important in our forties or fifties. Our changing values and priorities lead to daily petty internal conflicts about where to focus our time and energy.
#3. Multiple Roles and Responsibilities: Managing different roles, such as being a parent, employee, friend, and community member, create conflicting demands. We might have to choose between staying late at work to finish a task or going home to spend time with family. Whatever option we choose, we are left with some regret for not choosing the other one.
#4. Fear: We fear both failure and success. Fear of failure causes us to avoid taking risks to prevent negative outcomes, while fear of success prevents us from stepping up because of concerns about increased expectations and responsibilities. These fears create internal barriers that make it difficult to pursue our goals confidently.
#5. Limited Resources: With only so many hours in a day, we often have to make tough decisions about allocating our time, leading to internal conflict about what to prioritize. Our energy levels and motivation can fluctuate, causing conflict between what we want to do and what we feel capable of doing at any given moment.
#6. Identity Crisis: Changes in career, family dynamics, or personal achievements often lead to conflicts regarding self-identity and fulfillment. As we reach midlife, it’s natural to reflect on our past choices and ponder our future direction. This can bring about internal struggles as we consider making significant changes in our lives. For example, a corporate employee might feel unfulfilled and yearn to start their own business (not because he actually wants to).
#7. Cognitive Dissonance: This psychological phenomenon occurs when a person holds contradictory beliefs or engages in behavior that conflicts with their values. For example, a person who values health but frequently indulges in unhealthy eating may experience guilt and confusion, leading to internal conflict.
Tips to Resolve Internal Conflicts
Understanding your internal conflicts is the first step toward resolution. Here are some practical tips to help you navigate these inner battles:
- Journal your thoughts. Write down what you’re feeling and what’s causing the conflict.
- Make a list of your core values. Knowing what truly matters to you can guide your decisions. Use phrases like, “What do I value most in my life right now?” or “Which decision aligns best with my core values?”
- Talking to a trusted person about your conflict can offer new insights. They might share a perspective you haven’t considered.Try saying, “I’m struggling with a decision and would appreciate your thoughts on it.”
- Imagine the potential outcomes of each option you’re considering. Visualizing these scenarios can help you gauge which path aligns more closely with your goals and values. Ask yourself, “How will I feel if I choose this option? What about the other?”
Conclusion
Internal conflicts are a common aspect of the human experience, arising from the complexity of our emotions, values, and desires. Recognizing and understanding these conflicts can lead to personal growth, offering opportunities for reflection and self-discovery. Embracing these conflicts rather than avoiding them can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Ready to dive deeper? Explore how to effectively manage your internal conflicts with our three-step plan in the full blog post here.
Don’t let internal struggles hold you back — take control of your journey today!
